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Discussion "Destiny 2 Announced" via Reddit

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Cakes

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Saw this on Reddit just now, probably the funniest Destiny related content I've seen in a while.

Here's the post:
After news of Activision's big money purchase of "Candy Crush Saga" games giant King, news is hot the heels that Destiny 2 has finally been announced!

http://i.imgur.com/DWikZRc.jpg

Officially titled "Destiny Saga", this complete reworking of the Destiny franchise will not only bring back jaded Alpha players but will, Bungie hopes, capture the Candy Crush addicts that Lead Designer and Self Proclaimed King of All That Is Bungie DeeJ calls "a ****ing goldmine"

Not only is the game basically the exact same as Year 1, but with the Level Cap raised to 50 and all Vanilla Destiny content brought up to this level, but the added introduction of "Boosters" has been designed to provide the more casual player access to the thing they most covet - The Lighthouse. From the screenshot below, you can see that losing a round in Destiny's highly competitive Trials Of Osiris will allow the customer the option to purchase boosts that will last for that game only, ranging from an instantly charged Super to the fabled 400 Light Thorn, previously unavailable past Year 1 Destiny. Crucible Baron President Jon Wiesnewski III was too drunk on expensive champagne on his private island to comment, but Derek aka Mantis said that "everything is absolutely balanced and fair and there's no way Jon would lie to everyone again". Greg from internal playtesting was unavailable for comment.

http://i.imgur.com/FE3Rgml.jpg

Another gripe from the original Destiny game was that players were limited to loot from the Raids, the PVE endgame activities, to once per character per week. Now, with the use of Silver, players can purchase as many loot filled runs at their favourite Raids as they desire! Captain in Chief Luke Smith IV, recently hailed by GQ magazine as the richest man in the world, thinks that this will eliminate the need to do any future work on the title as "players will be able to do what the f*** they want, when they ****ing want. Want more PVE content? Buy some Silver you ****ing mugs"

http://i.imgur.com/jmxuXmn.jpg

And the last issue we can confirm is that RNG is still RNG, only with in game Silver players can now heavily influence the chances of receiving better loot at Destiny's favourite engram decoder, Master Rahool. As shown below, you can now purchase better odds for decryption from Rahool, in turn helping you to run out of carrots to chase.

http://i.imgur.com/MF1YD95.jpg

We have no official confirmation as to the effects of purchasing better odds, but preliminary chatter would hint at it being around 0.04% better which, according to the text message we just got from Jon, was "noticeable. now f*** off, i'm busy buying a house in the Cayman Islands".

We've been throwing money at the screen all day.
 
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Carl Johnson

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Came here expecting some made up story with an anonymous source, left amused. GG
 
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Cakes

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Came here expecting some made up story with an anonymous source, left amused. GG
Destiny satires are pretty funny, ngl. Have you ever seen the Destiny new articles? I can't remember the exact name, but a Reddit member makes them every couple weeks to 'inform' us about what's going on in Destiny (not what's actually going on, just like, funny side stuff for the humor between the npc's). I think it was Destiny Legal News, or something like that.
 
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Carl Johnson

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Destiny satires are pretty funny, ngl. Have you ever seen the Destiny new articles? I can't remember the exact name, but a Reddit member makes them every couple weeks to 'inform' us about what's going on in Destiny (not what's actually going on, just like, funny side stuff for the humor between the npc's). I think it was Destiny Legal News, or something like that.

Yea, the legal news are pretty fun to read :biggrin:
 
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